Change for yourself
by LadyDemolition
Summary: RPF! Darren visit's Chris. It's supposed to be a normal evening for them, just geeking around and be the best friends they are when Darren does something that throws to the other man completely off course.


"Don't do that to me.", Chris whispered against Darren's lips.

He didn't even remember how this all happened, it was all a blur.

He just invited Darren over to watch a movie and geek around a bit like they always used to.

Talking about new sai sword techniques Chris learned, the new Transformers movie, Harry Potter, everything they couldn't talk about with other people.

Chris was awkward, yes, you couldn't doubt that but that was something Darren has always liked about people.

Awkwardness.

It was everything he wasn't, his ying to his yang so maybe that was the reason he got along with Chris so well.

So well that his tongue was eagerly sliding against the younger man's, probing and exploring this unknown terrain.

Chris broke away, panting harshly, his eyes wide open and bright, his lips red and swollen, mouth open in disbelieve.

"Stop!", he panted, pushing Darren away, lifting his body from the wall he was pressed against.

"W-we aren't supposed to do this. We're friends, you are straight Darren! What the hell are you thinking?", he spat.

"I-I don't know...I thought that I really wanted to kiss you right now.", he said, running his hand through his curly, dark hair.

"Seriously Darren...we can't do this...it's all kinds of wrong."

"But it didn't feel like it Chris...", Darren admitted, leaning in again only to be pushed aside by Chris, who was walking around the room now, just doing something to distract him from tearing up.

"See.", he started talking again. "I'm gay, you're straight. We are best friends. We are also coworkers. I'm a virgin, you aren't! Don't you get why this can't be happening?", his voice was high-pitched, loud and the lump in his throat wasn't making it any better.

"Honestly no, I don't. I care about you Chris and I never felt like this before.", Darren rambled.

"I'm not something to experiment with...", the pain in his voice couldn't be overheard.

"I know! Believe me I wouldn't do that to you."  
>"Well...would you want to be my boyfriend?", Chris asked, looking straight into Darren's eyes and he had to turn away because he couldn't see the pain and the pleading in the other's eyes.<br>"I don't - I don't know, like I said...I never felt like this before with a guy, it's new for me too."

"See...that's the point. I don't want to lose my virginity to some straight guy who won't call me the next day or acts like nothing happened. I don't want to make out with a straight guy who's confused and assured me a thousand times before, that he really was through and through heterosexual and now all of the sudden after I finally understood that I could never have you, you say you would give it a try?"

Give it a try. That was what was really bothering Chris.

He didn't want to be a 'Try' to Darren.

He wanted to be his.

His lover.

His best friend and yes he wanted to be his boyfriend, not just some screw around.

"You told me from the beginning, back when I started flirting with you because honestly you really confused my gaydar...you told me that you had kissed a guy before and you felt nothing and that you're sorry but that you're straight. You've got to understand that I was always searching for someone. And all the ones I found wouldn't want me or didn't appeal to me. You are, Darren and...I was so...so...disappointed that you weren't on my team that I literally thought that I would never find anyone. I'm awkward, I'm not exactly what you call 'sexy' and I'm not easy! I still have some pride and class. So please leave...I can't - I can't do this.", he looked down, head hanging low and tears were welling up in his eyes.

Chris wasn't an overemotional person at all, in fact it took a lot to make him cry but right now, he couldn't help himself.

"Chris please I didn't mean to h-...", he couldn't say it.

Darren stopped talking and just stood there, helplessly.

In front of him, Chris's broken frame, shaking with tears.

Chris sank against the wall behind him, resting his head in his hands, crying into them.

"Please leave...", he said in a soft voice.

"Please let me be already...release me. I don't want to be treated like a doll anymore.", he whispered bitterly.

"Chris...I'm sor-"

"DON'T DARREN! JUST FUCKING DON'T!", he yelled, his fist hit the wall behind him with anger.

He was looking up to Darren now, eyes gleaming with fury.

"Leave me be already. I tried to get over you all this time and now you're just hurting me. This is not what friendship is about. And don't tell me you didn't know I love you."

Darren shuddered.

He _loved_ him and it wasn't like he didn't love him too, he did, but...just not in that way Chris wanted him to.

"I-I didn't...I-I-I thought you were just having a crush or something I mean...I didn't know it meant so much to you..."

Chris was still shaking, his head dug deep into the crook of his elbow.

"I just...I didn't...I...", Darren stuttered, he couldn't think straight at all. "Out of all things, I did not do this to hurt you in any way...I thought you were okay with it just being physical at first...I never thought about actually being with a _guy_...so I wasn't sure and I'm still not...I just know that I'm so sorry Chris...I really am. I didn't know better...gosh I'm just so fucking stupid.", he ranted.

"You are...", Chris sniffed. "You are the dumbest person I've ever met."

Darren chuckled lightly, still looking down and lost.

"Would you leave already?", Chris spat.

"I'm not going anywhere.", the older one said, his voice suddenly gentle and caring.  
>"G-good.", Chris mumbled. "I didn't really want you to leave anyway."<p>

"Come here.", Darren said, sitting down next to the taller man, putting his arm around him carefully.

Chris flinched, but let it happen.

Darren pulled him closer so his head was resting on his shoulder now, one arm tight around his waist.  
>His hand was caressing Chris's ruffled hair.<p>

"I'm so sorry Chris...I really...fuck...I shouldn't have done this. I know you're not _like_ _that_ but...I just really wanted to kiss you...it just felt so right. I-I'm just not _sure _if I'm in love. I mean...you're like the perfect person for me...but you're also a man so...I'm confused you know."

The younger one nodded.

"I just...are you...I mean...did you ever think about being bisexual?", he asked, locking eyes with the other.

"I guess...I don't know...right now I'm more like..._Colfersexual_."

They chuckled.

"Just...give me some time Chris...I really need to sort my head first...I'm still sorry I kissed you just like that."  
>"No, you're not.", Chris laughed softly.<p>

"You're right...maybe I'm not..."

They were silent.

"Can - can I stay?", Darren asked carefully after some time.

"Yes...please. But...maybe we'll just watch a movie and then you'll leave? I need some time as well.", Chris whispered, cuddling up against him.

"Sure...I guess...some time would be good...just so we can see where are right now and where we want to go from there."  
>"Exactly."<p>

They were silent again.

"I-I'm still sorry though..."  
>"Stop apologizing already...it's okay...well not really okay but you know...for now it's okay. It happened. There's nothing we can do about it."<p>

"Yeah...well...let's just rewatch 'The Philosopher's Stone' shall we? I haven't watched it for ages."

"Sounds good to me.", Chris said, his voice still breaking a bit.

Darren got up, offering his hand to Chris who pulled himself up.

"Thanks."

They were standing there awkwardly for a moment when Darren hugged Chris all of the sudden.  
>He flinched at the contact.<p>

"I promise you, I won't hurt you again. We'll get through this..._together_."


End file.
